


I wouldn't choose this life if I could (But it's mine to live)

by itsjustnoise



Series: The 'B' in Bloodlines stands for 'Burdens' [1]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjustnoise/pseuds/itsjustnoise
Summary: Soojin was darkness, even if she was terrified of the shadows.But Shuhua was light, and for Soojin, she would chase them all away.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Series: The 'B' in Bloodlines stands for 'Burdens' [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899520
Comments: 10
Kudos: 128





	I wouldn't choose this life if I could (But it's mine to live)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey look they're wizards now heh.  
> Something tells me I should really be finishing my other stories but procrasitnation is an enemy I've never been able to beat.  
> I've been dying to write them in Hogwarts since I'm a huge Potterhead and I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did!

Seo Soojin had always been a quiet girl, her family had raised her to always blend into the shadows casted by the light.

She supposes it makes sense, since the Seos were a family line of spies and double agents. Betrayers, many people would sneer and Soojin would agree with them wholeheartedly when she heard it. She grew up alone, all the children in her town had stayed away from her under the orders of their parents. And Soojin didn't blame them, she wouldn't trust her parents with anything either. Her family had shifted their loyalties between both sides during the Great War, swearing their allegiance to whichever side they could benefit from. So Soojin found herself everywhere and nowhere all at once. The supporters of the now vanquished Dark Lord shunned her because of how many of them her parents and uncles and aunts had sent to Azkaban while the champions of the war outrightly excluded the Seos from anything at all. But Soojin found that she didn't mind, when she was more comfortable playing alone in the corner of the playground and practicing her spells in the comfort of her room. But the universe decides to be kind to her and she gets her first friend when she's 10, a year before the barn owl that brought her acceptance letter to Hogwarts lands on her window's ledge. She meets Jeon Soyeon at the convenience store on the outskirts of town. Soojin likes to go there because it was so far out of anybody's way, it was often empty and the blind old man that ran it had little care for family names and the weight that came with it. "Grandpa," she greets when she pushes open the door, wind chimes hanging on the frame tinkling as she steps into cool, air-conditioned air. The old man grunts and the huge jindo dog by his feet licks at Soojin's hand when she bends down to pat his head. Soojin makes sure her footsteps are extra loud so that he knows where she is. Showing kindness when you have nothing to gain and announcing your presence to the world is exactly what her parents taught her not to do and Soojin delights in these small acts of rebellion she dares to commit outside the four confining walls of her house. But when she reaches the back aisle, where her favourite snacks are stacked high, she locks eyes with a pair she isn't sure she has seen before. "Sorry," she apologised immediately, not really knowing what for these days and moves away to the next aisle to wait for the girl to leave. Soojin didn't want her to get into trouble with her parents if they found out that their daughter was talking to the Seo girl. "So this is why grandpa didn't call my name when I greeted him," she mused under her breath, "he didn't want that other girl to know it was me." She flicks through the magazines, and only goes back to the snack aisle when the wind chimes sound again, and the old man calls for her. "Grandpa," she says again and this time, he smiles, showing yellowing teeth as the dog bounds up to her. "Yeomna," Soojin giggles as the black dog licks happily at her cheeks. "Ew, no. Stop!" She pushes him away and the dog nudges her with his tail. "Hello, little miss," he rasps, and Soojin pats his withered hand with a small smile on her face. "Your usual?" Soojin hums and drops the exact amount into his outstretched palm, watching with awe on her face as the snacks she bought flew into the plastic bag that floated in front of her face. "Thank you," she smiles politely, bends down to pat Yeomna once more and leaves the store.

She finds the girl waiting for her when she turns the corner of the street, and the contented smile on her face vanishes when she realises that the streets are far too quiet for a normal Tuesday afternoon.

Soojin pushes down her fear, she has been in this situation too many times for her to not know what quickly follows. She just wonders how she was going to explain these new bruises to her parents when she reaches home. The girl still stares at her and Soojin glances around, trying to spot the shadows of her bullies she was sure were hiding in the allies around them. So when a full minute passes and nothing happens, Soojin is rightfully apprehensive and a little less scared. "Hi, I'm Jeon Soyeon, 10 years old. What's your name?" Soojin just stares at this girl, Soyeon, like she had grown an extra head. "Are you new here? You really shouldn't be talking to me." Soyeon scrunches her eyebrows together and Soojin sees the different levels of confusion flash across her face. "Why? Are you cursed or something?" She is new, Soojin decides, there is nobody in this town who doesn't know who I am. "I might as well be," she sighs and tightens her grip on her plastic bag, the longer she was out in the open, the higher the chances her bullies would find her. "I'm Seo Soojin. Don't talk to me again if you know what's good for you." And when she shoulders past the girl, the last thing she expects is for her to follow her. Soojin stops and turns to her, a frown on her face as Soyeon peers back at her with defiant eyes through her fringe. "I can handle a few bullies." "How about the entire town?" "The entire town?" Soojin huffs out a breath, exasperation mounting as she looks around again. "Ask your parents who the Seos are. And please, don't talk to me again." She leaves Soyeon gawking at her on the road, blinking back her tears as she speed-walks back to her house, anxiety causing all the shadows to seem like they were following her. She doesn't expect to see Soyeon again after this and tells herself that she doesn't regret chasing away the girl that was probably going to be her first friend. 

Better me than her, Soojin thinks as she limps to the convenience store two weeks later.

She was not so lucky this time, her bullies were waiting for her in the deserted corner of the street. Not like it would matter if there was anybody else anyway, Soojin knows that most of the houses around close their windows whenever she gets beaten right outside their gates. She pushes open the door with difficulty and when Yeomna pads up to greet her, smiles through the pain that wracks her entire body with every breath. "Is that you, little miss?" The old man asks and Soojin pushes the trembles in her voice down to the bottom of her chest. "Yes, it's me." She tries to walk as normally as she can but her steps give away her limp almost instantly. "Did you fall?" Soojin bites on her lips as hard as she can as she tries to regulate her breathing, Yeomna pushing gently at her uninjured leg. "Yes, I fell down the stairs." The old man tuts as he shifts on his chair, Soojin hears it grating on the concrete floor. "Be careful, you youngsters can be so clumsy." Yeomna walks next to her as she goes to the back aisle, tail not wagging for once and Soojin wonders if dogs could tell if she was lying. She was in the middle of catching her breath with her brusised ribs when the door chimes again and she feels the fear like a hundred ice spider crawl up her spine. When Soyeon sees her sitting on the concrete floor with Yeomna by her side, ankle swollen and scrapes tracing tiny rivers of blood all along her arms and legs, it is anger Soojin watches this time race across her face. “Who did this?” she hisses and Yeomna growls at her when she steps too close. “It’s okay, Yeomna.” Soojin breathes and the dog backs down, but one eye still fixed on this new girl he had only seen once before. “I fell, I’m sorry for blocking the shelves.” Soojin mutters, inching backwards to allow Soyeon room to reach the bags of chips she had seen in her hands those weeks ago. “Soojin,” Soyeon bites out and Soojin feels her shoulder tense up. “Who did this to you?” “Some of the neighbourhood kids, don’t worry about it.” “DON”T WORRY?” And Soojin flinches back because this was the exact tone she hears from her father when she fails to properly identify the ingredients in a Sleeping Draught. “ARE YOU REALLY MY DAUGHTER?” He will thunder and Soojin will remain silent as she stares at her shoes. Soyeon seems to realise her volume when the chair scrapes again and the old man appears at the edge of the shelves. “Grandpa, do you have a first aid kit,” she asks before the old man can even open his mouth. “Soojin’s hurt.” And as Soyeon cleans her wounds with Yeomna watching carefully by her side at the back of the store, Soojin asks her a question that has been plaguing her mind since that day she left Soyeon on the road. “Did you ask your parents who the Seos are?” “My dad called you guys two-faced bastards.” Soojin winces. “But he also said that I should form my own opinion and not be influenced by the older generation.” “What’s your opinion then?” Soyeon laughs and Soojin thinks that her cuts hurt a lot less when she hears her reply. “Well, I don't know yet. But if we become friends, then maybe I can give you a proper answer.” 

True to her words, Soyeon stays by her side despite the glares and judgemental stares she receives from the neighbourhood and Soojin has never been more grateful.

And a whole year later, they stand in the convenience store at the outskirts of the town, jumping up and down with all the energetic joy of an 11 year old because we are going to Hogwarts together, Grandpa, our letters came this morning. Yeomna circles their feet and yips in time with their exuberant cries as the old blind man wheezes when he laughs too hard, hacking coughs that had Soojin running to the backroom to fetch him a cup of water. “I’m proud of the both of you.” He whispers and Soojin jumps into his arms for a hug, a better father figure to her than her real father ever was. He turns to Soojin and for a moment, Soojin sees the kindest honeysuckle brown eyes gazing at her with all the pride and warmth they could ever hold. “Especially you, little miss.” Soojin holds this memory deep in her heart, as she stands stiffly by her parents’ side at platform 9 and three quarters, as she waves goodbye to the people she won’t have to face for an entire year, as Soyeon finds her and joins her in her lonely little cabin. Soyeon takes a look at her glum expression and throws her a chocolate frog. “Cheer up, I thought you would be happy to leave them behind.” “I’m going to end up in Slytherin. And you’re not.” Oh, Soyeon thinks to herself, that’s why she’s sad, because I won’t be with her. “So what, it’s not like we’ll stop being friends.” She huffs and bites into her chocolate frog before it can jump out of her hands. She continues to try to distract Soojin throughout the ride, painting imaginary scenarios of new classes and mimicking the voices of unfamiliar professors and homework, oh god, you’ll help me right and Soojin feels the pressure around her lungs lessen with every laugh Soyeon coaxes out of her throat. She forgets the fear and the unspoken pressure when they finally reach Hogwarts and holds Soyeon’s hand when they are in the boats they ride to cross the black water. But then Sorting happens and when Soyeon immediately gets into Gryffindor, Soojin feels the fear return tenfold, her guts twisting alongside her hands. When the Hat bellows “Seo Soojin” across the hall, Soojin is thankful the brim of it falls over her eyes, but she can still feel the million gazes from all across the room and curls inwards. “Be unapologetic,” she hears her father’s hiss and startles when she realises that it’s the Hat that said it. “Seo, huh. I’ve heard about you. Where do you want to go?” She has had the entire train ride to consider her chances in every single house but it all points back to greens and silvers and giant snakes. “Thought so,” the Hat huffs, it sounds almost smug. “SLYTHERIN!” 

Soojin tries hard to ignore the tears that pricked mockingly at the corner of her eyes as she scrambled to gather up the parchments scattered around her.

The bullying started midway through her first year, and now as a second year, Soojin just takes a deep breath, wills herself not to cry and stoops down to pick up her papers. But when two other shadows kneel down a little too close to her with the rest of the papers in their hands, Soojin's first instinct is to flinch back. "Hey, you're okay." She hears from the figure on her left and blinks, glassy eyes finally focussing on the emerald green robes that brushed across the stone floor, an exact copy of the ones on her shoulders. She looks up to see two of her seniors, eyes widening when she recognises Im Nayeon and Minatozaki Sana both smiling softly down at her. Soojin has heard a hundred stories about the Ims and the Minatozakis, and despite her parents almost bragging about their achievements, Soojin knows enough to understand that none of them were good. During the Great War, the Ims were practically the Dark Lord's right hand, and the Minatozakis were skilled potion masters, only loyal to the wrong side. Their names were whispered fervently by the delusional, slurred and spat on by the righteous, and spoken in hushed whispers behind cupped hands within the walls of the castle. "Those assholes shouldn't be bothering you anymore," Sana was saying and Soojin could only nod because in her world, these two girl in front of her were almost royalty. "Hey, you okay? They didn't hex your speech or anything right?" Nayeon narrowed her eyes when Soojin failed to reply and from the way she squinted at the retreating backs of those Gryffindors, Soojin suddenly feared for their lives. "I'm fine," she hurriedly says, lest Nayeon catches them by their robes again, "Thank you for helping me with my notes." Sana grins down at her and Soojin blinks because how can someone whom everyone associates with all the draught of the dungeons be so adorable and giggles as she offers Soojin a hand to help her to her feet. "It's the least we could do. We Slytherins should protect one another, right?" And Soojin remembers nodding as she smiled back, albeit hesitant and tiny (that’s exactly how she feels around them) as Nayeon dusts off the specks of dirt on her shoulders. "What's your name?" Soojin literally snaps to attention and she doesn't miss the surprised look that flashes across Nayeon and Sanas' eyes. "Seo Soojin." "Well Soojin," Nayeon’s smile grows, now dangerous and sharp. "Come find us if you have problems like these again alright?" Soojin nods and Nayeon reaches down to ruffle her short hair with something like lightning swirling in stormy grey eyes. "Bloodlines can be hard to carry. That's why we need to carry them together." Later on, Soyeon gets into detention for charming the pants of her bullies to catch fire in the middle of Potions and Soojin is torn between wanting to slap her best friend across her head or hug her for as long as she can. She does neither of this and continues chopping up the mandrake roots as their professor yells at the class to quieten down while ordering the boys back to their common rooms for a new set of clothes. "Pass me the blue vial," she says instead and Soyeon smugly hands her the snake's tears as she starts her task of grinding up the rabbit’s teeth. “That was incredibly stupid of you.” “Hey!” “Thanks.”

She meets Miyeon, and then Minnie in her third year, the two Hufflepuff girls a year older than she was but always acted like they were the youngest in the group.

She meets Miyeon first in the Owlery, when a grey eagle owl brings with it a letter that Soojin had never hoped to receive. Soojin had learnt from a young age that letters were never good, so she knew in her heart of hearts that this could only be bearer of bad news. “Dear Miss Seo,” she reads aloud with shaking hands, “We are very sorry to inform you that Mr Gong Hanweol has passed away last night in his sleep. As he has no other living relatives, he has willed his possessions to you. In his will it states that you will receive a total of 300 galleons, 52 sickles and 6 knuts from his vault in Gringotts and also be given the ownership of Yeomna, a black jindo dog that is 2 years of age. We are very sorry for your loss again and wish to reiterate our condolences. Thank you.” She doesn't cry, Soojin had long since cried out all her tears on the rough streets of her childhood town and she doesn't think she has any more left in her body. But the trembles that shuddered through her body showed no signs of stopping as she curled into the corner of the room, and through sharp breaths, Soojin realises that she had no more energy left to stop them anymore. Soojin doesn't know how much time has passed since she opened the letter but when the door to the Owlery swings open, all Soojin wished for is for whoever that was to ignore her. But as much as the universe was looking out for her, there were times when it could also be a bitch. “Hey, are you okay,” Soojin hears and wants so badly to growl back, to tell the girl to leave her the hell alone. “Hey,” The girl asks again and Soojin clenches her teeth as hard as she can before gritting out, “Leave me alone.” The girl falls silent and she hears her move slowly away, steps unsure as she ties her letter to the owl waiting for her. It is quiet after that, and Soojin thinks that the girl has already left. The tremors eventually stop and by then, the sky outside is dark, Soojin can see the stars sparkling merrily against an inky backdrop. She exhales, slaps her cheeks a few times and shakily pushes herself to her feet. But when she turns, she sees a figure sitting by the doorway, chest rising and falling slowly as she snored away. “What on earth,” she mumbles and the owls that were already back from hunting hooted in agreement. “Did she not leave?” Soojin asks the owls and few of them hooted back. Soojin doesn't really know what to feel about a complete stranger waiting for her, but she knows she will feel bad if she leaves the girl alone in the cold without dinner. “Hey, wake up.” She says as she shakes her awake and catches sight of the yellow scarf around her neck. A Hufflepuff, she thinks, that explains a lot. The girl snorts and blinks sleepy eyes back at Soojin as she regains her bearings. And when she finally does regain them, Soojin barely recoils in time when she shoots to her feet. “Oh god, what time is it?” “Dinner time?” “Thanks for waking me up!” Soojin blinks. “You're welcome,” she trails off as the girl dusts the feathers and fluff from her robes with a small frown. They climb down the stone steps and Soojin wants to ask the girl why she didn't just leave when she told her to go away. But she doesn't dare break the silence and swallows down the words. Instead, it is the girl who opens her mouth first. “I hope you’re feeling better.” “Why did you wait for me?” Soojin grunts and the girl raises both her hands. “I thought you might need someone to talk to. I couldn't leave you there anyway, some things are easier to get through when you have someone by your side.” “I don't even know you.” “I’m Cho Miyeon, fourth year. Nice to meet you!” Soojin raises her eyebrows because they were in the middle of a random corridor, was this really happening? Miyeon still stands before her and really, what does Soojin have to lose? “Seo Soojin, third year.” If Miyeon recognises her name, she doesn’t show it, only smiles and says, “Now, you know me. I hope we can be good friends in the future!”

She finds Yeomna on her bed when she returns from dinner, and has to repeatedly tell the dog to be quiet whilst grinning so hard, her cheeks start hurting. 

When she takes Yeomna out to the fields next to the Quidditch pitch so he could run around, she only has to wait a few minutes after the Gryffindor quidditch team ends their practice for their vice captain to come zipping to her side. “YEOMNA!” she cries and the jindo dog barks and barks and barks till Soojin covers his snout with a hand and shushes him. “Why is he here?” Soyeon frowns when Soojin cannot meet her gaze. “Grandpa passed away two days ago. He gave me Yeomna.” Soyeon frowns harder and rubs Yeomna’s belly as she tries to gauge how her best friend was feeling. It was hard to read Seo Soojin, the girl was very good at hiding how she really felt. Even Soyeon, who has spent so much time together with her, still has trouble pin-pointing the exact emotions Soojin was feeling. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Soyeon tuts and sits down next to Soojin with a deep sigh. “And I’ll still worry.” “I know.” They watch Yeomna race around on the freshly cut grass and Soojin feels a small smile on the corner of her mouth when he jumps up to snap at some butterflies that flew too close to his face. “Oh, it’s a dog!” They hear and Soojin sees a familiar figure hurry over, dragging another girl behind her. Yeomna immediately returns to Soojin’s side, ever distrustful of strangers and Soojin raises her hands in a hesitant wave when Miyeon sees her. “Hi Soojin!” “Miyeon eonnie.” The other Hufflepuff girl, a prefect, Soojin spots the tiny badger pin on her collar that mirrors the silver snake on hers, coughs and Miyeon turns to her with an apologetic smile. “Oh, this is Minnie.” Soojin stares up at the taller girl, she knows who Minnie is, and she thinks of all the students running for Hufflepuff’s Head girl, Minnie Nicha Yontararak would probably get her vote. “Hello Minnie eonnie.” She greets quietly, and points to Soyeon. “This is Soyeon, a third year like me.” Soyeon shoots them a lopsided smile and Miyeon beams back. “I didn't know you had a dog?” “He came yesterday.” And Miyeon’s smile dims somewhat. “Ah,” she says and bites her lips. Soojin decides to save her. “Do you want to play with Yeomna?” Miyeon’s smile returns and Minnie sighs when Miyeon nods so fast, Soojin fears that her neck might break. “He doesn't trust new people, but he’s really a huge teddy bear.” And as Miyeon and Minnie play with her dog, Soojin takes note of the way Miyeon’s left hand never lets go of Minnie’s right. “How do you know them?” Soyeon asks her later as they walk to the Great Hall together for dinner, Minnie and Miyeon ahead with Yeomna trotting along beside them. “Miyeon eonnie found me in the Owlery yesterday after I got the letter and I had a breakdown.” Soyeon’s lips purse and Soojin hears her sigh. Still she continues, “She waited till I was okay and we went to dinner together.” Soyeon laughs. “What?” “You only use honorifics when you really respect someone.” Soojin blinks, because Soyeon was right. Soojin knows many people older than her but didn't deserve her respect, her parents were on the top of that list. “I guess I do respect her, it’s kind of hard not to.” 

Yuqi and Shuhua came into her life together, this duo stressing her and Soyeon out more than she would like to admit.

They were transfer students and cousins, Yuqi from Beijing, Shuhua from Taiwan and her new roommate, a girl named Tzuyu who was also from Taiwan, was overjoyed. Apparently, Tzuyu knew Shuhua from back when she was growing up and told Soojin she was one of those rare few that couldn't be bothered about things like family names and bloodlines, Shuhua walked her own road and was not afraid to let the whole world know about her choices. And when Soojin meets the pair of them, she finds herself agreeing with Tzuyu wholeheartedly. Because as soon as Shuhua sees her, she drops her bag and sprints to her, burgundy robes flapping about her ankles, her mouth hanging open and black eyes practically shining. “Are you an angel?” She whispers, a hand over her mouth when she stops in front of her and Soyeon bursts into mad, out of control cackles from her spot by her side. “What?” Soojin barely manages to choke out and Soyeon flops onto the table, wheezing as Minnie and Miyeon watch on, amused. “I’m sorry about her,” Another deeper voice says and they turn to see another girl straightening her navy blue tie, with wire rimmed spectacles over doe-like eyes and a cute smile on her face. “I’m Yuqi.” The girl introduces herself and aims a solid kick at Shuhua’s ankles that has the whole table wincing when the girl collapses onto the wooden bench with a silent cry. “And this colossal fool here is Shuhua.” Minnie, ever the more mature and friendly one, introduces their group and Soojin shifts uncomfortably because Shuhua was still staring at her like she hung the Sun, the Moon and the stars. She wasn't used to this much attention, Soojin prefered to be at the edge of conversations so she could bolt as soon as the need arose. Old habits die hard, she supposes, she was still the best at running away. But then Yuqi was bashfully scratching at her cheek and saying, "Tzuyu said we could hang out with you guys till we found our footing here." Soyeon smiles softly at Yuqi then, and that has Soojin raising her eyebrows up into the hairline of her fringe because when did Jeon Soyeon ever smile softly at anybody? "Sure, we're always welcoming of new faces." Who the fuck are you trying to fool, Soojin wants to scoff, but she catches sight of a light blush she was sure she has never seen on Soyeon's face and files that information away. "What years are you guys in?" Miyeon asked and Shuhua answered her this time, Soojin noticed how Yuqi was too busy staring at Soyeon to reply. This is really interesting, she thinks and catches Minnie's eyes from across the table. The Hufflepuff prefect winks at her and Soojin nods back. For all the times Soyeon has teased the living daylights out of the both of them, Soojin knows she was definitely going to enjoy getting her sweet, sweet revenge. "We're both in our second year." Shuhua says and when Yuqi nods a beat too late, Soojin can't stop the smile from dancing across her face. "Why are you laughing?" Soyeon asks and Soojin shrugs as she sips at her coffee. "That's for you to find out."

Their friendship solidifies and falls into place soon enough, Soojin would have never expected her third year in Hogwarts to have brought with it four more girls she would now shyly but proudly call her sisters.

Song Yuqi, she quickly learns, laughed almost thunderously loud whenever Soyeon made a joke that (in her humble opinion) wasn't even remotely funny. And Jeon Soyeon, her best friend whom she thought she knew everything about, suddenly seemed to become a master at teasing the Chinese girl overnight. Shuhua just smiles and shakes her head fondly when they see Yuqi’s ears redden as Soyeon says something and sweeps her blond hair back. “My cousin’s hopeless.” Since Soyeon and Yuqis’ not so subtle flirting started, and with Minnie and Miyeon already practically already married since their second year, that often left Soojin and Shuhua being the awkward third wheels within the group. Not like Soojin minded, she would always prefer watching anyways. And with Shuhua suddenly at her side whenever they hung out together, Soojin finds herself learning more about the noisy Taiwanese girl then she would usually allow herself to. Yeh Shuhua, she learns, slowly over the course of the time they spend side by side, was the middle child of three sisters and was raised to be daring, chivalrous and brave. An almost exemplary Gryffindor, Soojin had laughed to herself as she watched Shuhua roll down the grassy hills with Yeomna, her recklessness reminding her so much of Soyeon. She had the biggest heart Soojin had ever seen and loved so voraciously, Soojin often wondered about the number of people Shuhua could fit into the space between her ribs. It scared her to death sometimes, with how easily Shuhua could wear her heart on her sleeve and not care about breaking it into tiny, tiny, tiny pieces. But what frightened her the most, even more than the shadows flickering behind the corners she couldn't see, even more than Soyeon and Yeomna leaving her forever, was how easily Shuhua was able to extend that love to her. Soojin would never in a million years even dare to wish for something like that, she didn't think she deserved it, with how her family name looms over her head and breathes down her neck. But Shuhua doesn't seem to care and Soojin knows from the bottom of her heart of hearts that she shouldn't be encouraging something that would be nothing more than a pipe dream after they graduate. It’s just that being with Shuhua makes her want to be selfish for once, when she shouts “Jinjin!” from across the Great Hall during their meals, when she winks at her as she soars above the stands during their Quidditch matches, when Shuhua subconsciously curls into the space where her shoulders meet her neck as she naps and all Soojin can smell is peaches. There’s a feeling that Soojin has come to associate with Yeh Shuhua now, and it is so miniscule and barely-there at first, she soon learns how to ignore it all together. But just like Shuhua’s heart, it grows, grows, grows, and Soojin tries not to think about it when she stares too long at pale collarbones and jet-black hair.

The library was not the Quidditch pitch and Shuhua would give anything to be able to fly through the balmy air of summer on her Firebolt.

She taps impatient fingers on leather book covers, traces imaginary shapes through the words racing across yellowing paper and blows out her breath in sporadic quiet puffs just to disturb the dust specks that floated around her. Since their first meeting in her second year, Shuhua has been following Soojin around like a lost puppy whenever she could, loudly proclaiming her love for her with greasy pickup lines that has Soojin cringing and pushing her away. But ever since she has started following Soojin around, Shuhua has seen firsthand how badly her bullies could push Soojin around and the older Slytherin would not even retaliate. It annoyed her to no end, why Soojin chose to keep silent and allow herself to be battered and broken time and time again. Shuhua wishes nothing more than to show Soojin that she was nothing like her family, that she was very much her own person. Her fingers twitch and Shuhua continues her tapping as she waits for Soojin to finish studying. "She's right, you know." Shuhua stops fidgeting when Soojin's tiny voice drifts out from behind the heavy tome. "Who?" "Dakyung, what she said was true." And Shuhua finally looks up to see Soojin hunched over the dusty pages, shoulders trembling as she gripped her quill in shaking hands. That piece of shit, Shuhua trembles as well, hands curling into tight fists under the table, I should have sent her to the hospital wing when I had the chance. But Soojin still sits before her and Shuhua focuses her gaze on the crown of her head. "Well, I really don't care," she sniffs, white-hot anger racing through her veins because how DARE Lee Dakyung make her Soojin eonnie sad. "I think you're more than just your name, Soojin eonnie." Soojin freezes when the words leave Shuhua's mouth and the voice screeching the slurs she has been replaying in her head since the afternoon quietens somewhat. "Your family might have been selfish and disgusting and cared more about their asses than everyone else but it's not like you chose to be born into that bullshit." Soojin watches Shuhua reach up to scratch at her nose, cheeks red and feels her heart thump once, twice, as she stares at midnight black eyes. "I should have broken her jaw," Shuhua grumbles and glares out the window when Soojin remains silent, nose twitching in annoyance. "She shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore when all that comes out of her mouth is trash." And Soojin has to look away to hide her smile. Her heart seems to be singing, there's a warm bubbly feeling buzzing about in her bloodstream and she suddenly feels almost weightless. This is all so foreign to her, she is used to her body being almost freezing cold. It scares her, in all honesty, but Shuhua's shine is so strong from across the wooden table, when Soojin closes her eyes, she can pretend that she isn't afraid.

Soojin finally realises what these feelings mean, one Quidditch practice nearing the end of her fifth year, when Shuhua dangles upside down from her broomstick and blows her a sloppy kiss.

She feels the corner of her lips lift and Shuhua practically glows when she sees this, haloed by the setting sun behind her and the pure elation shining from sparkling midnight eyes. But then the wind howls past her ears and Shuhua sways precariously on polished wood. The usual worry when Shuhua was being an idiot springs up in her gut, Soojin feels her heart plummet when Shuhua's grip slackens and pulls her wand out, ready to soften her fall with a spell because with how high up they were, Soojin knows Shuhua will break more than a few bones. But then Soyeon is there and Soojin slowly lowers her wand when she sees the now Gryffindor captain grabs Shuhua and hauls her back onto her broom. Shuhua looks so meek and small as Soyeon yells at her and all Soojin wants to do is to push her away and gather the younger girl in her arms. They were too far away for Soojin to hear anything but with how Soyeon stares at Shuhua from her broom, arms crossed and expression unimpressed, Soojin can guess what Soyeon was saying. And as the pair floats down to the ground, Shuhua still trying to explain herself with animated gestures, another person joins Soojin in the stands with a weary sigh. "She's going to make all of Soyeon's hair turn white for real one day, I swear it." Soojin turns to the newcomer, a smile tugging on the sides of her mouth as she watches her push wire-rimmed glasses higher up her nose bridge. "Good afternoon, Yuqi," she greets and the younger girl shoots her a wide smile in return, all teeth. "Good afternoon Soojin eonnie, I hope this was the only incident where that idiot attempted to do the impossible." Soojin laughs quietly and shrugs, Yuqi shakes her head with another sigh and together, they make their way down the stands to join their friends on the pitch. Soojin bows to Jeongyeon and the Gryffindor beater waves back as they walk past each other. Soojin knows Jeongyeon, knows her to be Nayeon's other half and she has spotted the matching rings the both of them hid under their robes. It's cute, she thinks and tries to ignore the liquid heat of jealousy swirling in her stomach, I'm happy for them. But then Shuhua was shouting happily and Soojin barely had time to prepare herself before a crimson and gold blur slammed into her, knocking all the air from her lungs. It's almost on instinct now, how her arms immediately shoot up to wrap around hard leather and muscular shoulders. Shuhua stares up at her with adoring eyes, a whole three centimeters shorter and Soojin feels her heartbeat its way into her throat when she smiles. "Jinjin! You're here!" She thrills and Soojin exhales a long, drawn out breath as she reaches up to pinch at ruddy cheeks, getting lost in sparkling obsidian as Shuhua's grin grows alongside her heart. "Why are you hugging Soojin eonnie when you're all sweaty and gross, idiot." Yuqi says from behind her and the moment is broken, Shuhua jumping away from her to chase Yuqi around the grass, screaming in rapid Mandarin. "I should have made Shuhua run more laps, her energy is boundless." Soyeon sighs from beside her and Soojin looks at her best friend from the corner of her eyes. "So is her appetite. I wonder if there will be dumplings for dinner?" Soyeon raises an eyebrow as they start to walk towards the locker rooms, leaving the squealing behind them. "Since when do you like dumplings?" Soojin feels her face muscles freeze when she realises her slip up. But it takes her a breath to school her expression back into something more Soojin-esque as she deadpans," I eat everything, dumplings are no exception." Soyeon nods sagely and Soojin knows that her best friend has already seen right through her facade. "Right, and it has nothing to do with how Shuhua could probably finish a whole basket with how much she loves them." Soojin bites her lips, her cheeks suddenly uncomfortably hot as she crosses her arms and fixes Soyeon with the iciest glare she could muster. It doesn't do much, just sends Soyeon into peals of raucous laughter she had no hope of stopping. "Oh Soojin, you are an idiot." And Soojin wants nothing more than to kick her best friend into the lake, friendship of six years be damned.

It hits her hard, harder than any of the blows she endured growing up, when she catches Soyeon's knowing gaze from across the table as she giggles quietly at Shuhua's recounting of their practice. 

The giggles practically evaporate in her throat and she turns impassive eyes to the dumplings on her plate, appetite gone. She loves Shuhua, probably has since forever, if the way her heart has always stuttered in her chest when Shuhua flashes a roguish grin at her was any indication. She keeps this revelation to herself because Seo Soojin might be many things but she wasn't an idiot. Shuhua was everything good and pure and right in this new peaceful world. Soojin was not. Her family name was like a deadweight shackled around her ankles and she would rather die than drag Shuhua down into the depths of hell with her. At first she thinks that nobody notices, but Jeon Soyeon had always been able to read her so well, ( their friendship of six years held for so long partly because of this), Soojin thinks that she really should have expected how quickly Soyeon would catch on to her sudden change in mood. She barely hears Soyeon suddenly making a half-assed excuse about forgetting her homework in the changing rooms before she’s being dragged out of the Great Hall after dinner, all she could focus on was the white-yellow bob of hair in front of her. They finally stop when they are far enough from the castle, near enough to the lake, and Soojin just hears the splash of a tentacle from the Giant Squid as he disappears below the murky waters. “What,” she begins defensively when Soyeon stares at her, arms crossed and a slight frown on her lips. Soojin thinks back to the times when young Soyeon would find young Soojin with new bruises and cuts and the both of them would stare each other down because Soojin didn't want Soyeon getting into trouble while Soyeon didn't want Soojin getting hurt. They were both just stubborn like that. And now, as they stand in silence, waiting for the other to crack first, Soojin suddenly sighs and looks away. “What do you want me to say?” She groans and walks to the water’s edge, she hears the crunch of pebbles as Soyeon follows closely behind. “Something happened during dinner, and I’m going to make a guess. It has something to do with Shuhua.” Soojin swallows, her heart beating impossibly loud, her mind screaming at her to run. “You’ve known me for so long, why bother guessing?” She’s stalling, purposely giving answers with no definite direction, fruitlessly hoping Soyeon would just drop it, please. But unfortunately for her, Soyeon was a lot more determined than that and she nudged Soojin, handing her a pebble that she had picked up. Mystified, Soojin takes it and runs a thumb across its white, smooth surface as Soyeon turns back to the water. “There are maybe a hundred stones on this shoreline, maybe even thousands. But they will always be on the shoreline, they won’t ever know what it looks like under the water, it’s not like they can suddenly grow legs and walk into the lake right?” Soojin raises an eyebrow, because where on earth was Jeon Soyeon going with this? “You know how beautiful it looks below the surface, with the Merpeople and the water plants and the animals.” Soojin nods, the Slytherin common room had a whole glass ceiling where she would sit under for hours when she couldn't sleep, watching the different shapes swim past, chased by the emerald green glow of the enchanted fire. And when Soyeon opens her other palm and shows her the grey pebble in her hand, Soojin only has time to blink before Soyeon has flung it far out into the Great Lake. “If you don’t dare to take a step off the deep end, how would you know what waits for you below the surface?” Soojin swallows again. You deserve to be loved, she knows Soyeon was trying to tell her, don’t be scared.

When Soojin feels the beginning of cracks appearing in the mask she had so carefully sculpted throughout her life, she likes to look at the stars.

The roof of the Astronomy tower was always her safe haven, it was here that she feels like she could be the closest to the night sky. Anyway, she was very sure nobody else knew how to scale the weathered stones around the spire and the strong winds that buffeted her body sometimes would scare even the bravest of souls. So she was rightfully surprised when the tiles beside her shifted and Nayeon's head appeared from seemingly nowhere. "You have an Invisibility Cloak?" she blinks and Nayeon shrugs as she pulls the cloth from around her body to fold into a neat-ish lump in her lap. "It's not mine. This belongs to Chaeyoung and I'm just borrowing it." And Soojin wants to laugh because of course Tzuyu's prankster of a best friend would have an invisibility cloak. She hums and returns her attention to the stars. She doesn't ask for Nayeon's intentions for joining her on the roof, there would only be a few reasons why anybody would be so high up, so late into the night and she could count them all with the fingers of one hand. "Tzuyu said you have been meaning to talk to me." Nayeon murmurs and Soojin blinks again because yes, she had been meaning to talk to the older Slytherin but just couldn't find the right time. Live everyday like it's your last, Minnie had told her one afternoon in the greenhouse and she trusts Minnie, the Hufflepuff really should have been in Ravenclaw with how wise she could be sometimes. So she opens her mouth and desperately tries not to regret what she was about to say. "How do you live with it?" "With what?" "Knowing that she's too good for you." Nayeon's face twists into something so very excruciating, Soojin immediately feels the regret stabbing at every inch of her body it could reach. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" "No, it's a valid question," Nayeon's voice wobbles and Soojin tries to remember a time when she had ever heard the confident and proud Slytherin she looked up to sound so weak. "Emotions aren't a bad thing, I think they make us human." Miyeon had said when they were walking back from the Owlery and Soojin hadn't understood at that time, still throbbing from a million wounds that only she could see. But she thinks she understands now.

Nayeon clears her throat and Soojin shifts closer to her, when thunder rumbles somewhere far, far away.

"I won't lie, I think my family has done enough of that to last my entire lifetime. I still don't think I deserve someone like Jeongyeon. And I ask myself that question every single night, when she's not there to chase my nightmares away." Soojin hugs her knees closer to her chest as Nayeon stares out into the distance with watery eyes. "She told me that no matter what, she would always choose me and when I asked her why, she just shrugged and told me it's what her heart told her to do. No other proper explanation, just that and her stupid smile." Shuhua had done the exact same thing, Soojin remembers scoffing at how stereotypically Gryffindor it had been and secretly wanting nothing more than to kiss the red from her high cheekbones. "You ask me how I live with it, the constant fear of knowing my blood will always be too dark for someone as bright as her." Soojin nods and Nayeon scrubs at her eyes, fingers of her other hand curling into the cloak. "It might not be the answer you're looking for, but I don't have any other answers for you." Nayeon picks at the cloth and licks her lips as Soojin waits with the strangely silent wind. "I don't, the voices in my head still haunt me when ever I'm not distracted." Somehow, Soojin knew what Nayeon was going to say next. "But when you're with her, the voices don't matter anymore, right?" Nayeon turns to her, something soft in her hard grey eyes. "Yes, she chases them all away." Lightning arcs across the sky and thunder rumbles again, this time close enough for Nayeon to flick out the cloak with a sigh. "I don't want to fall sick, or get roasted by the elements. Let's go back." Soojin wordlessly climbs down and ducks under the cloak when Nayeon lifts it up at her. They stay silent all the way back to the common room but Nayeon stops her just as she was about to open the door to her room, a hand light and comforting on her shoulder. "Remember back in your second year, when I told you bloodlines were a heavy burden to carry?" Of course, Soojin wants to say, how could I ever forget? But she doesn't, just nods silently and Nayeon cracks a tiny broken smile, the first she has ever seen on her face. "Share them with that Gryffindor seeker, I think her shoulders are stronger than you imagine them to be." Soojin feels her eyes grow wide as Nayeon smirks and waves goodnight before disappearing into her room.

Tzuyu falls into step next to her the following morning when she's on her way to Great Hall for breakfast. 

"You look like shit," she says and Soojin shoves her into the wall, mumbling something that sounded like a swear word under her breath as she continues dragging her feet to sate her rumbling stomach. “I’m serious eonnie, did you even sleep at all?" "Not as good as you did, I'm sure. Was the Gryffindor common room as comfortable as our dungeon?" She returns and smirks triumphantly when Tzuyu blushes beet red and clamps her mouth shut for the rest of the walk. But when her eyes won't stop slipping close and Tzuyu catches her head from falling into her bowl of cereal for the fifth time, Tzuyu herself shifts the innocent bowl away and decides that an explanation was in order. Soojin asks the universe why she had to be cornered on a Saturday since there were no classes for her to escape to after breakfast. “I was thinking about some things. And the next thing I knew, it was already morning.” She admits and Tzuyu nails her with an unreadable look in her eyes. When she tilts her head to one side, Soojin thinks she looks so much like her pet owl, Gucci and tries to shift the focus of the conversation away. Gucci was always much too inquisitive for his own good, she guesses it’s because he takes after his owner. “Don't try to change the subject. Were you thinking about Shuhua?” And Soojin blinks before turning back to her food, disgruntled. “Do you tell each other everything? Hold on, were you the one who told Nayeon eonnie about this?” And Tzuyu snorts loudly, biting into her croissant with a small smile as some Slytherins around them look up from their conversations at the unfamiliar sound. “We don’t need to tell each other anything. We just know each other very well.” Soojin has to grudgingly agree to this because Tzuyu was almost Nayeon's younger sister, with how protective she was over the younger girl. Nobody dared to bully her, even though as a first year, Tzuyu had been an easy target, Soojin supposes that Nayeon's reputation preceded her. "So what conclusion did you arrive at? After sacrificing your sleep to think so much?" Tzuyu grins, eyes sparkling and expression sly. "You probably already know. Why are you even asking me this." "For fun, why else?" "I swear you were a fly in your last life, you little shit." Tzuyu's grin just grows wider, Soojin thinks she looks like the Cheshire cat. Creepy. "You'll find them near the lake. Shuhua said Yeomna wanted to play in the water." Soojin immediately stands up and Tzuyu follows her out of the Great Hall. "The lake? But she's scared of water, what if she falls in?" And when Tzuyu looks at her with wide eyes and lips trembling with a poorly hidden smile, Soojin wants to slap herself on the forehead with this uncharacteristic display of emotions. "So you do remember," she laughs and Soojin wishes that she could silence her with a glare. It might have been mentioned in passing but of course she remembers, this was Shuhua’s fear they were talking about here. Tzuyu walks with her till they reach the front doors. "Remember," Tzuyu suddenly begins, "bloodlines are easier when carried together." "Oh my God," Soojin grimances, a hand coming up to bat Tzuyu away like the annoying bug she said she was. "You're even starting to sound like Nayeon eonnie. Out of my sight, please." Tzuyu just smiles. Thank you, she knows Soojin really means, and lazily waves goodbye as she heads off down the corridor.

Soojin spots Shuhua last obviously, after everybody else, because she’s hidden quietly under the shade of a tree, watching the other girls scream at the bank of the lake. 

"Soojin eonnie!" Shuhua gasps as she sits down next to her, and Soojin flashes her a quick smile when she instantly latches onto her arm, practically vibrating in excitement. "Hey, Shu," she mumbles, "been out here long?" "No, I only just got here." And when she shifts herself to get a better look at Soojin, Shuhua finally notices her dark eyebags and puffy eyes. "Did you sleep?" She frowns and when Soojin gives a noncommittal shrug in response, nudges her lightly. "You should be sleeping, there's no need for you to come out if you're tired." Soojin hums again and Shuhua moves to pat her lap. "Here, you can nap on my lap and I'll wake you up when they're done." Soojin wasn't going to lie, that sounded really tempting at the moment, her eyelids have never felt heavier. "Okay," she sighs, giving in almost instantly because how on earth could she say no to those twinkling puppy dog eyes? "Remember to wake me up." And Soojin doesn't even stay awake long enough to hear Shuhua's answer, because as soon as she lies down, she falls asleep. The next time she wakes up, the sky's this amber and merigold orange that she stares at for a couple of breaths, because how long was she asleep for, why didn't Shuhua wake her up? But when she turns to Shuhua, a hundred things she wants to say on the tip of her tongue, she realises that the girl was also fast asleep. Soojin feels the air her throat catches as she traces her eyes over high cheeks and sharp collar bones that rose and fell with every breath on milky white skin. She's so used to seeing Shuhua all glowing and luminous under the light of the sun and moon and stars, she doesn't think there was ever a time that she has seen Shuhua next to her in the shadows. And Soojin decides that she might be softer like this, quieter and more calm, but Yeh Shuhua is still as beautiful as ever and she feels a warmth not unlike courage swell up from her heart. Shuhua stirs awake when she gets up and blinks hazy eyes at Soojin who sits before her. Soojin watches how the realisation hits her and giggles through Shuhua's apologies of not waking her up sooner, of how she fell asleep too because the air was so pleasant and cool and please, please, please don't be angry at her. That feeling she had tried so hard to ignore returns and Soojin decides that she is done running. "I love you." She says when Shuhua stops for a breath. And as Shuhua chokes on her saliva and starts hitting her chest to find the breath that she lost, Soojin just laughs quietly and pats her back. "What?" She coughs and Soojin thinks back to their first meeting, she was sure she sounded a little like this too. "I love you." “Can you say it again please, so I can remember it when I wake up.” Soojin pinches her cheeks and as Shuhua yelps and twists away, Soojin catches sight of the dopey grin that was slowly spreading across her face. “Ow! Okay, okay, not a dream, not a dream.” Shuhua mutters as she rubs her cheeks, red from the sudden attack and her rapidly beating heart. Then she is quiet, Soojin only hears the rustling of the leaves above them and spots the Giant Squid surfacing in the far distance. She breathes in, counts one, two, three and hears, “I love you too.” 

Seo Soojin will always be a quiet girl, she will always remember how her family had raised her to blend into the shadows casted by the light. But here, enveloped in the light that is Yeh Shuhua, she thinks that maybe, every once in a while, being in the light isn't so bad.


End file.
